Sunday, May 12, 2013

File under: no good deed goes unpunished...

Worship today was full, rich and satisfying - until a strange little couple greeted me in the fellowship line at the close of worship.  They were guests and as is my custom I asked their names.  But rather than share any social pleasantries with me, the woman said:  "There were so many things I didn't like about today's experience that I started to make a list.  Here... you might like to see what I thought."  And with that, she and her gnome-like male partner exited out the side door. A sort of spiritual "slam, bam, thank you ma'am," yes?

I finished greeting the rest of the Sunday folk - it was the 100th birthday of one of our members - and then wandered back into the Sanctuary to read this unsolicited "advice" in the quiet and safety of the Lord's house.  (NOTE:  I am always careful NOT to read unsigned messages left for me by anyone; from hard experience I've learned not to subject myself to that type of mean-spirited torture. As a rule, I am tend not to take critical messages from those who no social skills too seriously either.) Nevertheless, for some reason I went ahead and read this soul's 5 page summary of everything she felt was wrong with Sunday worship.  And oddly enough, after I got over the initial shock of their chutzpah and even rudeness, the message turned out to be a backwards validation of just what we've been working on so hard for so long at this church.

+ Her first broad theme had to do with our Sanctuary:  she hated it and found it too formal and imposing.  News flash: this Sanctuary has been standing on this ground for 250 years - and for the past 140 years in more or less its current neo-Gothic form - so what-the-jump was she expecting upon entering an old stone semi-cathedral-lie building like this?  Freakin' Disneyland?  The Crystal Cathedral? Some new age ashram? You really have to ask yourself:  what  was going through their minds BEFORE they walked through the doors?

+ Her second concern had to do with our mission:  "Your message today about sin and grace sounded too much like Christianity." (quote) She also went on to tell me that she holds very negative feelings about both the words sin and worship.  Ok, reality check:  if you walk into a large, traditional looking Christian sanctuary on a Sunday morning... would you be surprised to find that WORSHIP was taking place?  I actually laughed out loud over this, thinking, "Where did they think they were going when they chose to enter this particular building?"  Apparently not to a place of worship.  Now, I can understand her "issues" with the word sin, but the whole point of today's message was to show that in Christianity sin and grace are always held together in a careful embrace.  What's more, grace is meaningless fluff without an honest encounter with the ways we are alienated from God.

+ And her third "issue" was with me - personally - as a communicator:  Yes, the start of today's message was more formal than is my usual style because there were a few complex theological concepts I wanted to state clearly.  And yes there were a few quotes that I needed my notes for, too.  This was, however, all bad form - as was the way I rubbed my hands together while thinking - or the way my voice sounded. (Again, I'm not making this shit up.)  Additionally, although she told me that she couldn't adequately hear everything that was said (probably because she chose to sit in the back row) she wanted me to know that MY concern with sin and grace was essentially my problem and totally self-serving.  (Hmmm... never heard of the "what is most personal is also most universal" rule of thumb?  Alas.)

Well she wrapped things up by noting that she was not a believer and was looking for something much less conservative than today's worship.  Something, actually, that was NOT Christian.  Ok, in the realm of those who are spiritual but not religious, I understand it is a buyer's market; people have come to treat spirituality as yet another commodity they can pick and choose from as they see fit.  (Part of today's message was, indeed, about how to best learn about the fullness of God in a market-driven world...)  And this couple didn't resonate with neo-Orthodox Reformed Christianity. That's ok - one size need not fit all - but had they done any research before just wandering in - like reading any of my messages on-line, looking at the church (let me emphasize that word - CHURCH - again) website or even asking around town - they would have discovered that:

+ I AM an orthodox Christian - of the liberal variety to be sure - but I hold both the doctrines and practices of the Christian Church near and dear.  In fact, I am rather evangelical in style and demeanor believing that the way of Christ really is good news.  I believe in the forgiveness of sins.  I believe in the resurrection.

+ They might have also discovered that while we do jazz and rock and folk and even some praise tunes when we gather,  Sunday morning is about worship.  It is not a lecture or a sensitivity group.  It is not an AA meeting or a book club either. We sing the old standards of the Reformation as well as the great tunes of the Roman Catholic tradition.  We laugh and weep, we pray and confess and open ourselves to the Holy Spirit as best we know how. And if they came on a day when we celebrated Eucharist, they would have experienced a "high" theology of the body and blood of the Lord, too.  Forty five years ago I made the old hymn, "I have decided to follow Jesus" my own and like the way it concludes:  no turning back, no turning back.

+ And they would have learned that while we use humor a lot - and emphasize



that whoever you are on life's journey there is a place for you here - our informality is NOT fuzzy thinking or sloppy agape.  As the United Church of Christ statement of faith notes:  we accept both the cost and joy of discipleship. Ours is NOT a spiritual smorgasbord or sacred supermarket but a faith community in the 21st century.  Our calling is to meet God in Christ Jesus, love one another as Jesus loved us, love our neighbors and enemies as ourselves and share a measure of compassion and light in a dark, cruel world.

So, after I got over my initial incredulity, I shared part of this unsolicited critique with my friend, colleague and music director who quickly noted:  "Man, whenever I get something like that from someone I don't know, I have learned to ask, "What do YOU do?"  Before evaluating any truth to their words, I ask, "Tell me, what do YOU do?"  And when they tell me I go on to say, "Great, I'll be there tomorrow at 9 am and take about an hour of unsolicited notes that I'll share with you, ok?  I think you'll really want to know all the ways I think you're doing a poor job."  Freakin' brilliant.

At the close of this day, in a strange way, I think I am glad this couple chose to share their "insights" with me.  For while I initially felt like they should be filed under the category of "no good deed goes unpunished;" upon deeper reflection I think they show how grounded we are in Christ - not ourselves - or the culture. It also suggests that we are living into a clear mission - to worship, to reflect upon God's word in Christ, to share compassion and to do justice - and that is what I was called to the Berkshires to work upon.  Thanks be to God for weird days, strange people and the upside-wisdom of God in Jesus Christ.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my....

I wonder if this person somehow confused UCC with UU. It happens...

(Speaking as a UU soon-to-be-seminarian who came into the far liberal fringe of the church through a decidedly non-Christian spiritual track, these sound like one of the kinds of folks that find their way into UU churches... the ones looking for some way to touch the Holy who still have a ton of fear and baggage regarding the Christian tradition. I used to be one; I keep finding ways I still am. I hope I've never been that rude about it, though.)

RJ said...

Different strokes and all that... and I don't believe that Christianity is the only way to the Holy or the only way to rest in grace. There is a LOT of baggage to be sorted through and I am so grateful you shared this part of your story with me here. It was just wild... blessings to you as seminary draws closer, my friend.

Anonymous said...

It's people like you, and Fred over at Slacktivist, and a list of other folks I've been reading the last few months, who have made it possible for me to develop an understanding of Christianity beyond the rigidly authoritarian kind I grew up in and walked away from. Thank you for that.



Peter said...

Nothing she said has anything to do with you, James.

She is not just a seeker, but damaged: the telltale clue is the note and its contents. If she were merely "church (or whatever) shopping", she could attend a service and vote with her feet if that is her choice.

Her choice to leave a note, to drop a parting shot, as it were, without making some time to speak with you later, speaks volumes of where she is in her spiritual and psychological journey.

She needs our prayers, I'd say.

RJ said...

I am with you on that, Peter, but it took me until this morning to get over my shock (and a little bit of hurt, too.) I often wish I had a tougher exterior but that is not how I was made - and mostly that is a blessing. (Mostly) But you are right, she is a wounded soul and a child of God. Thanks for your good word, my man.

Beloved Spear said...

Ah, the "backwards validation." It's better than none, I suppose.

That desire to pay damage forward is such a challenge, and can be difficult to absorb and process. Prayers for you, and for that couple.

RJ said...

Thanks for your kind words, David.

an oblique sense of gratitude...

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